Hi, I figured that I should write a little something about myself so you can at least attempt to understand me a little. I literally have no clue what to write so I guess I shall start off by telling you the basics about myself. So here goes…
I’m Jess, age seventeen, three quarters Irish/a quarter English and I live in a small chav filled city known as Manchester, located in the North West of England incase you were unaware. I currently have seven piercings but they’re increasing by the week. By the time I hit eighteen my face will consist of mostly metal… hopefully.
I usually end up spending my weekends in town with friends when all I really want is to sleep… but at least that means I’m not a complete social recluse. I like pretty things, morbid things and sitting outside when it’s just going dark or when the stars are out. Yep. Gay, I know.
I’m in my first year of college studying graphics, photography and film and I can’t wait to finish even though I am pretty certain that I will go into higher education. I see myself as quite an intelligent person and often attain good results in my work however, when my emotions get the best of me I barely achieve at all. I have always put quite a fair bit of effort into my work and so on, however recently I seem to be lacking motivation and effort, I just get easily distracted.
I’m quite a complex and sensitive person because of my past and various other things that have contributed to make me the person I am today and if you get to know me then you might realize why I think that. I’m not you’re average teenager at all, I’m not implying that I am something special, merely different or odd in my opinion.
I would consider myself as pretty unique, not just because I drive a chair and let every one hop on but because I have the ability to shake my tongue (random but genuine fact). I generally get “they see me rollin’, they hatin’, patrolling they tryin’ to catch me rollin’ dirty, they tryin’ to catch me rollin’ dirty, they tryin’ to catch me rollin’ dirty…” sung to me while the guys are on my back, because… well… that is exactly how I roll (roll, get it?)… only joking but thanks for starting that off Thom, much appreciated. Other than that I’m a pretty run of the mill girl.
My music taste varies from day to day. One minute I’m into metal the next it’s classical, just depends what type of day you catch me on I guess. You should hear my iPod on shuffle, its horrendous! Saying that, there’s rarely been a day within the past two years that I haven’t listened to at least one Paramore song. I kind of have a slightly unhealthy obsession with Hayley Williams as you have most likely found out for yourself reading my blog (I blame Emma for this obsession, jus’ sayin’)… can’t help who you fantasize over though, even if a thousand other people are too! The only difference between them and me is that I’m going to be the one to marry her when I grow up. Don’t tell me that I’m not or that it’s unlikely because I will fall out with you. I will be able to turn her.
I’m very open with my opinions and thoughts so I don’t tend to hold back when saying things to people most of the time. I’m probably the least judgmental person you will ever come across. I hate people who judge others on their looks, race and especially their sexuality and I hate people who never get to know the persons personality before making a choice on whether they like them or not. People should be loved for who they are and not for their looks/problems/insecurities. I know how it feels to be victimized on appearances alone and I see it happening all too often. I’m pretty grounded when it comes to my opinions but as the majority of my friends will tell you, I’m almost incapable of making decisions for myself, which annoys most people, many apologies in advance.
I hardly ever have confidence in myself or my actions and can be seen as a really self conscious vulnerable person, for example if anybody compliments my appearance I will deny the compliment and refuse to accept the praise I’ve received. However don’t let that trick you into believing I’m ungrateful and don’t appreciate it, I do.
I used to be very conscious of what people thought of me, and sometimes I still am. It’s the little things that tend to offend me. But predominantly, I’ve reached the point in life where I really couldn’t give a fuck what people think about me anymore, people can judge me all they like but I’m not going change myself. I’m an individual and I aim to keep it that way. Mainstream just aggravates me as I feel it doesn’t portray who you really are. I am very conscious of my appearance, personally I don’t like the way I look but I try my best to look feasibly decent. If I look shit then I feel shit and probably won’t leave my house, I don’t think I will ever be content with the way I look.
You tend to discover that many people come across as confident over the internet, especially this website. And I’m probably one of them. It’s pretty easy to talk to someone when all you have is a screen in front of you. But when it comes to real life, meeting new people. I am so shy; I could really do with a confidence boost. But on the lines of confidence, I hate arrogant people and likewise, boasters, it’s such an irritation and they always seem to make me feel cautious about myself, so if you have a incline of either blustering or being an arrogant twat, don’t talk to me.
I’m terrible with meeting new people because I’m always scared of embarrassing myself; as I mentioned before, I consider myself quite a pretty shy person. Most people wouldn’t agree because I am unintentionally loud to hide my insecurities but when I get to know someone I can be myself and come out of my shell pretty easily. With some people it can take just a few minutes for me to relax (a very small minority of people that usually end up becoming my closest friends) and with others I know I will never be able to be myself and completely comfortable around them.
I tend to get closest to the people I know for a fact aren’t going to be around very long (not dead but just gone, incase you were wondering). I could probably spiel off tons of names from my past that have forgotten I exist. I’m guessing it’s because I can tell them everything and they won’t be around long enough to judge me on it, or something along those lines? I put this down to my trust issues. My theory is the only person you can fully trust is yourself. It seems kind of sad though, that no one is actually mature enough to realize that other people’s feelings matter too. I guess that is life though. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully understand.
I think of myself to be a nice person most of the time, however when something happens to make my mood deteriorate I am not a good person to be around. I am very happy with what I am surrounded by, the friends I have and my family. Even though I don’t talk to some of them and haven’t seem some in years; I still feel content with what I have. But as I’ve previously mentioned, I’m always willing to meet new people. I have a sense of humour like marmite, you either find me funny or you don’t.
I’m all for weekends and spending time with my friends and family, although I love being on my own. I hate being counterproductive; it frustrates me, although all I do is spend my time on here. That also frustrates me; I could be out there making use of my time. I might not have much time left, you never know. I might die tommorow, although that is unlikely. I think people should make the most out of the time they have because something unexpected might come around the corner.
I love people who give long replies and who make an effort in making a conversation last. I like people who are open with their opinions and not afraid to voice them and stand up for what they believe in.
I eat 24/7 and there’s never a time that I’m not hungry. I’m currently single and straight although friends assume I’m bisexual. The majority of my closest friends are gay and according to the girls I have good taste in… well, girls. Personally, I don’t see it. I’m into dudes, for now anyway… that’s if Hayley Williams can be classed as a guy? Guess she’s ‘The Only Exception’ (oh, Paramore puns).
Gustav Wood saved my life in a mosh pit one time. I don’t remember it very clearly (well… at all), but my drunken best friend had to steer me out through the crowd and we got bollocked off security. Tried to find him afterwards to say thanks and when he finally came up neither of us had the balls to say anything. Shit bags to say the least, but Alex Gaskarth did mention me on stage then hugged me afterwards so s’all good I guess? My camera broke halfway through the second support too so we have literally no evidence, but I promise this all happened, honest! Swear we must have broken so many peoples shins/feet (if your reading this, I’m sorry). Wow, that was a good night!
My blog as you may have noticed changes based on my mood, which varies incredibly, I can go from feeling on top of the world to feeling like utter shit in seconds, a trait of mine that often leaves me in an emotional state that I wish was foreign to me.
Even after reading this I ask you to not form a full opinion of me just yet as I feel more often than not I’m misunderstood. I appreciate that you have taken your time to read this rather lengthy description I have written, even though I have probably left a lot of detail out. Oh well, leave me a message if you’re curious about anything else.